Ni vu, ni connu (1958)

1960. Montpaillard, a quiet little French town, known for his good wines. It calls itself «The quietest town in France». The only one not to find it so quiet is Parju (François-Alexandre Galepides, known as Moustache), the official gamekeeper of the town, who is the constant victim of Blaireau (Louis de Funès), the local poacher.

When he walks back downtown, with his uniform all messed-up by Blaireau's last joke, everyone makes fun of him : Auguste (Lucien Hubert) the barrel-maker, Mr Lerechigneux (Robert Vattier) the judge, Maître Guilloche (Jean-Marie Amato) a lawyer and the head of the opposition at the town council, Mr Bluette (Pierre Mondy) the director of the local prison, and most of the inhabitants of the town. The only one not to find it funny is the conservative Mayor of the town, Mr Dubenoît (Frédéric Duvallès). He loves peace and order, and he would like to get rid of the only troublemaker of the town, the poacher Blaireau. After telling Parju to do everything to catch Blaireau, he goes, along with Mr Bluette, to a bridge game in his friend's castle, the Count Léon de Chaville (Roland Armontel) and his wife, the Countess (Madeleine Barbulée). At the castle, they meet Arabella de Chaville (Noëlle Adam), the Count's daughter, who drives around town on her motorcycle, frightening the population. The Count tells his friend the Mayor he would like to marry her as soon as possible. Before going up to her room, Arabella steals a bottle of alcohol from a servant's tray. The servant then brings the tray to the card table and asks the Countess how she wants the pheasant cooked. The mayor gets a bit mad, when he understands the pheasant comes from the poacher Blaireau. Meanwhile, Blaireau is walking in the forest, getting game from the various traps he has set around, with the help of his small black and white dog. Meanwhile, the four same people are still playing bridge when they are interrupted by the arrival of Armand Fléchard (Claude Rich). Fléchard is Arabella's piano teacher. He is also very much in love with Arabella, but never told her and only sends her anonymous love letters. In her bedroom, Arabella is smoking, drinking, reading thrillers and listening to music. She stops the music when Fléchard enters the room. She starts playing the piano, but, annoyed by Fléchard's comments, she slams the lid of the piano on his fingers. Blaireau is back in his little wooden house in the woods. He shares his meal with his dog and with his tame magpie. Then, he starts dressing to go and give out his poached game to his customers. The magpie knows how to talk a little and helps him to hide the game under his jacket. Before he leaves his house, he goes in his garden to feed his pig, whom he has called «Parju». The real human Parju watches him, hidden in a bush, and doesn't seem to like to have a pig named after him. But Parju's metal badge shines in the sun and Blaireau spots him. Before leaving, Blaireau whispers something to his dog. Blaireau and his dog start walking across the forest, discreetly followed by Parju. But suddenly, Parju doesn't see Blaireau anymore. The poacher is hiding inside a hollow tree. Parju hears the dog barking and follows it. When Parju is gone, Blaireau comes out of his hiding place and walks away, in the opposite direction from Parju. The dog keeps on hiding, making Parju run all around the forest. Meanwhile, Blaireau can discreetly give his game to his customers. One of them is the most famous restaurant in Montpaillard, who takes two hares and two pheasants. When he has seen his last customer, Blaireau enters a bistro to drink a glass of wine. His dogs comes in shortly after him, followed by Parju, dripping with sweat. Parju walks slowly to the bar, orders a beer, and Blaireau, supposedly seeing a fly on the beer foam, blows all the foam in Parju's face. At the Chaville castle, both parents are trying to find a fiancé for their daughter, but none of the young men in Montpaillard is male enough for her. In Montpaillard town hall, the town council is in session and the mayor and his opponent, Maître Guilloche, are fighting over Blaireau, Guilloche accusing the mayor not to do what is necessary to get rid of Blaireau. In a river near Montpaillard, Blaireau is catching trouts with his bare hands. Parju, hidden behind a bunch of reeds, sees him and takes off his boots and his belt to go in the water to catch him, but he drops his metal badge on a stone, and Blaireau spots him. So, when Parju reaches the river, there is no more Blaireau in sight. Blaireau, who is hiding underwater, twists Parju's toe, and Parju runs away, thinking he has been bitten by a snake. Next day is market day in Montpaillard. Blaireau is selling mushrooms, but actually, hidden under his low bench, are two baskets full of the trouts he caught the day before. Parju, who feels that something is afoot, hides behind a nearby stall and sees Blaireau giving plenty of fish to Léontine (Monette Dinay), the mayor's servant. He walks around the stalls to the place where Blaireau is sitting and looks under the bench, but the fish baskets are gone. Looking desperately for the baskets, Parju breaks the stall of a nearby butcher. He has to walk away, and, when he is gone, Blaireau whistles at his dog, who brings the baskets back. A little further away, near a bookshop, the mayor is telling off Parju for breaking the butcher's stall and not catching Blaireau. Arabella enters the bookshop to buy new thrillers. Fléchard enters behind her and try to hide a love letter in one of the book, but, as Arabella keeps changing her mind about the books she wants to buy, he doesn't succeed. A little further away, he eventually succeeds in putting his letter in a bunch of roses she is buying. A little later, Fléchard is alone in Arabella's room, and sees his note on Arabella's desk. He also sees a lot of pictures and even a statue of very manly young men. And when Arabella tells him that there is not one real male in Montpaillard, he walks away. Next day, the mayor has invited his friends for lunch : Mr Bluette, the judge and the Count de Chaville. Léontine serves them the trouts she had bought the day before, but when the mayor understands they come from Blaireau, he almost suffocates. To-day is the official opening of the fishing season in Montpaillard, and everyone is gathered in the town main bistro, to join the fishing contest. Parju is seated at a table to write the names of all the contestants, . When he doesn't want to write Blaireau's name on the list, Maître Guilloche has to order him to do it. The contest is held on a large river near Montpaillard, and Maître Guilloche, president of the contest, is seated at a table on a bridge, with Parju at his side. Every man in the town is there, including Mr Bluette, the judge, Fléchard, and of course, the mayor and Blaireau, who are seated next to each other on the riverside. If the mayor has brought a very heavy equipment, Blaireau came with his hands in his pockets. He makes a fishing line out of the branch of a tree, and the float of his line out of a match and one of his jacket buttons. Blaireau throws his amateur line in the water, stamps his foot three time on the ground and pulls a very big fish. With the same method of foot-stamping, he catches a good dozen of big fishes, when all the other contestants catch nothing or a few very small fishes. Maître Guilloche owns a local newspaper, «L'Eveil de Montpaillard», in which he tells about the fishing contest, making the whole population of Montpaillard crack up laughing. The only one who doesn't laugh is the mayor, but he feels a little better when Parju walks in the town hall to tell him he has caught Blaireau. Unfortunately, he has only caught Blaireau's dog, but he expects to catch Blaireau with the dog. Fléchard, fed up with Arabella's poor playing, kicks her out of his house, and decides it is time to prove her he is a real man. Blaireau is walking along the side of a lake, unsuccessfully calling his dog. Suddenly, he sees Parju coming on his bicycle with the dog tied to the handlebar. Parju has not seen him and Blaireau can work out his revenge on Parju. Parju drops his bicycle and lets the dog guide him to a rabbit caught in a hidden trap. He tells the dog to bring the rabbit to Blaireau and follows it. The dog leads him to the lake, where Blaireau is apparently sleeping in a small rowboat in the middle of the lake. There is another rowboat by the side of the lake, and Parju climbs in it with the dog and the dead rabbit. What Parju doesn't know is that Blaireau has set a trap on the boat. As soon as the heavy Parju is inside the boat, the plug in the bottom of the boat pops off and water starts pouring into the boat. When Parju reaches Blaireau's boat, his own boat is so full of water that it drowns, while the dog swims to his master's boat. Blaireau takes his dog and rows away. Later in the evening, Parju is trying to dry his clothes, but Blaireau, hidden high in a nearby tree, steals them with a fishing line. It is now 11:30 p. m. and Parju, dressed with a loincloth made out of grass and twigs, is trying to sneak back home, but he meets the mayor, who immediately understands what happened. The mayor tells him to go and get new clothes and catch Blaireau, even if he has to be out all night. At midnight, Parju, fully dressed comes out of his house, while, in her bedroom, Arabella is reading Fléchard's anonymous letter, telling her to be at midnight near the wine press. Meanwhile Fléchard is coming out of his house to meet Arabella. Arabella goes near the wine press in the castle park, while Fléchard climbs over the park wall to meet her. But, on the other side of the wall, instead of dropping on solid ground, he drops on a small glass greenhouse. The noise he makes frightens Arabella who runs back to her room, but it also attracts Parju who jumps on Fléchard as he climbs back over the wall. Fléchard wins the fight, gives Parju a black eye and steal his official badge away from him. Next day, the mayor wants Parju to tell he was attacked by Blaireau, but Parju answers that it was so dark that he doesn't really knows who attacked him. The mayor orders him to charge Parju, and calls higher authorities to send him some reinforcement to arrest Blaireau. A few hours later, a dozen gendarmes arrive at the town hall to help the mayor make his arrest. Meanwhile, at the castle, the Countess tells her daughter about Blaireau coming in the park during the night and beating Parju. When Blaireau comes back to his wooden house in the forest after fishing on the lake, he is arrested by the gendarmes and brought in front of the judge Lerechigneux, who sends him to jail for a month. In the prison, Mr Bluette, the director makes a very warm welcome to Blaireau. It is a strange prison, where all the doors are open, and where prisoners are working as carpenters, tailors or even podiatrists. They all seem very happy, and tell Mr Bluette about their little health problem or their families. Bluette tells Blaireau to choose his own cell and then trusts him to Victor (Paul Faivre), the head-guard, who, like Mr Bluette, seems to be also a very sweet and nice man, and very friendly with the prisoners. Arabella tells her father she is going to marry Blaireau. When the mayor hears about it, he almost suffocates to death. During the night, Blaireau's dog is whining outside the prison. Bluette is reading the French prisons regulations book, and he tears off the page concerning the prisoners not being allowed to have pets, and lets the dog in. Meanwhile, Fléchard makes nightmares about Blaireau and Arabella. In the Chaville castle, Arabella is putting plenty of good things (wine, salami, cakes, etc. ) into a box to give it anonymously to Blaireau, under the label «Helping the prisoners». When her father sees her doing it, he gets very mad, but can't prevent her doing it. Fléchard is reading an old book about prisoners being chained day and night to the walls of their cells and given only bread and water to eat and drink. But Blaireau's actual situation is quite different. His cell is full of good food and wine, and he even has cigars to smoke. Downtown, Parju is getting bored stiff not having Blaireau around anymore. Maître Guilloche thinks that, without Blaireau, the town looks like a school of shellfishes. The best restaurant in town, without Blaireau's poaching, has none of his usual feature dishes to serve to its customers. The only one to be happy in the town is the mayor. In the prison, Bluette leads Blaireau to the small stream crossing the prison gardens, and asks him to catch crawfishes in it. Next day, all the prisoners are eating crawfishes for lunch, when Victor, the head-guard walks in with another of Arabella's anonymous parcels in his hands. Blaireau opens it and shows his fellow-prisoners all the goodies inside. Victor goes back to the prison gate, where Fléchard gives him another parcel for Blaireau. It is labelled «Protection of Innocence» which pleases Blaireau, and inside, Blaireau finds a beautiful silk night-robe. A few days later, Blaireau tells Bluette it is the new moon, and that all the traps he hid in the forest are going to be full. Bluette first refused to let him spend a night in the forest and then asks him to go with him. Bluette is very happy to play the amateur poacher. When Parju, who was walking aimlessly in the forest, see them both dancing in a clearing, he thinks he is ill and goes back home to lie in his bed. Meanwhile, Bluette and Blaireau are back at the prison gate, but Bluette realizes he has forgotten his keys. Then they see all the other prisoners coming back to the prison, led by Victor, who has taken them to the movie theatre. But Victor has also forgotten his keys. Fortunately, one the prisoners is able to open the door with his pocket knife !A few days later, the doctor tells Parju he is now fit to leave his bed et go out. He also tells him that Blaireau is coming out of jail the next day and that he, too, has been ill. Actually Blaireau is ill because he ate too much of the good food sent to him by Arabella and Fléchard. Incidentally Arabella and Fléchard are each bringing another parcel to Blaireau, she riding her motorcycle, and he on his slower Solex bicycle. They hit each other at the corner of two streets, and find out they are both sending parcel. Fléchard explains he is the one who actually attacked Parju and he shows Parju's official badge to prove it. Then he tells Arabella he is also the one who is sending her anonymous love letters. Arabella answers that, if he goes to jail, she will immediately fall in love with him. The mayor, who heard the conversation, tries to stop him, but he doesn't want to listen to him. Maître Guilloche also heard the conversation and wants to tell the whole town about this miscarriage of justice. But when Fléchard asks the «procureur de la République» (which would be the «prosecutor» or «district attorney» in the US) to send him to jail, the procureur (Pierre Stephen) answers that, for the moment, he is thinking about his holidays with his family and not about sending people to jail. Next day, in the Chaville castle, Arabella is making a parcel for her new fiancé, Armand Fléchard, to the great annoyance of her father. Meanwhile, Blaireau is saying good-bye to Bluette, because he is leaving the prison. But, as he is almost out of the building, Bluette calls him back because he just got a letter explaining that Fléchard, and not Blaireau, is guilty of assaulting Parju. The French justice is so weird that now, Blaireau has to go back to jail until his innocence becomes official. Arabella wants to bring her parcel to Fléchard, but she sees Fléchard still in the street outside the prison and trying to get inside. He even gives his badge back to Parju, who just kisses him to thank him ! Eventually Fléchard goes to Bluette's office to ask him to put him in jail. And Blaireau also walks into the office to ask Bluette to put him out of jail. Bluette gets mad, puts Blaireau in a real locked cell and kicks Fléchar out of the prison building. Maître Guilloche tells the whole Blaireau story in his newspaper, and then he organizes a celebration for Blaireau's coming out of jail. The whole population of Montpaillard is in the streets, making a triumph to Blaireau, who is driven in an open convertible car, with Guilloche at his side, from the prison to the fun-fair. Montpaillard being in the heart of a vineyard district, many barrels of wine have been set for the population to enjoy them. An hilarious mayor tells Guilloche that the next mayor of Montapaillard will be neither himself, nor Guilloche, but Blaireau. Guilloche doesn't find the prospect funny. Blaireau is asked to start the cycle race, but he doesn't want to use the gun they give him, and which he puts in his pocket. Then he helps Arabella to climb on the merry-go-round, where she meets Fléchard, whom she asks when he is going to jail. Parju can't believe his eyes when he sees Blaireau having a drink with the mayor, the judge and Guilloche. But Blaireau has to leave his new friends to go and give his prize to the winner of the cycle race. Then Blaireau dances a bit with the Countess, and then he has a chat with Fléchard, who tells him about his love problems. To help him, Blaireau uses the gun, he kept in his pocket, to force Arabella to kiss Fléchard. Blaireau leaves them still kissing each other, and Arabella tells Fléchard she doesn't want him to go to jail anymore. But, if the Countess is very happy about her daughter marrying Fléchard, her husband refuses to let her do it. He even tells the judge to put Fléchard in jail as soon as possible. But Blaireau lures the Count to drink too much wine and, when the Count is drunk, Blaireau makes him promise to let his daughter marry Fléchard. Fléchard and Arabella get married, but when they go out of church after their wedding, the procureur tells the gendarmes to bring Fléchard to the prison, and then he drives off to his holidays with his family. At night, Arabella, still wearing her wedding dress, is crying at the gate of the prison. Blaireau joins her and calls Bluette, who opens the door and shows Blaireau the French prisons regulations book, and more specifically, the page concerning young newly-married wives not being allowed to join their husband in jail. Blaireau rips the page off and Bluette lets Arabella inside the prison.